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Backseat Messages Through A Child's Hand

We got the call on the Tuesday morning. The Juravisnki Cancer Centre calling to inform us of John's treatment plan. It was to begin on the Monday, March 26th. 


I had to pull over to hear the quietness of the voice at the other end of the phone. It was the whispering of the wilderness...calling out, beckoning us to surrender.


Surrender to what? To whom?


We had been anticipating this call. Waiting patiently for the doctors to tell us, finally, that John's treatment could begin.  


Then why, my heart so heavy?...Because love weighs heavy.


I was thankful for the distraction of arriving at work that afternoon. A place where I could perhaps forget cancer for a few short hours. It wasn't to be. This is where I share life with some amazing women. If all told, this is not a place of "work" but of refuge, where the realness and rawness of life is embraced. Where Truth resides. So I came through the doors and I cried. 


Was I beginning to embrace surrender?...Or, perhaps, was Surrender embracing me?


After work, as I was driving home I caught up to a truck in front of me. As I got closer to them I could see a sign hanging in the back window behind the driver's seat. I could only read the words "DON'T STOP." I couldn't see the last word that was written at the bottom. Something was drawing me closer. Call it nosiness or curiosity....I finally was able to see the final word. BELIEVING! 


DON'T STOP BELIEVING!!


Tears welled once again, spilling over. shed this time for the awesomeness of my God. That He would show up in the backseat of a truck and use the hand of a little girl to write His message. That He would give that child the strength to hold this message up with her tiny hand long enough for me to digest the hand scrawled child words. The Holy words of God bringing forth the nourishment of peace to fill my heart and to fill John's heart with His hope.


 When I asked this little girl when she wrote it and why, she shared that she had just written the sign and that she didn't know why. 


I knew. 


I believe that she had been used by God in a very special way. Through her, God let John and I know that He felt our burden, heard our cries and saw our tears. 
He also had the answer...surrender. 




Surrender to the One who has surrendered for John. For me. For YOU my friend.


Surrender to belief.






Ask and you will receive. Search and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you. 
Everyone who asks will receive. Everyone who searches will find. And the door will be opened for everyone who asks. Matthew 7: 7 & 8

A day in the life of John...just for now

We are blessed to have a photographer in the family. Our daughter Kate is a professional photographer and has such a gift in capturing the emotions in front of the lens. 
Once again, she did an amazing job. 


Thanks Kate. 


Now, if you will, step into a day with John, my amazing, brave husband.


http://katelynrenatephotography.blogspot.ca/2012/04/sdad.html

The "Chubby" Buddies

One of John's hardest moments in this journey has been telling his fellow workers that he has cancer. 

John has been a part of the company for 40 years. That's a long time. He has spent so much time there that I believe these guys are not just his co-workers but his extended family. 

When he talks of work something comes alive in John. Work is in his blood and these men are a part of that bloodline.

It was never so evident than in these past few weeks. John came home from work that sad day, tired, emotionally spent from the telling of his story....yet he came home with a renewed hope. The joy of knowing that he is surrounded by a bunch of guys that truly care. The tears that some of the men shared, the pats on the back and the words of encouragement brought those slumped shoulders back up. The weight of cancer had been lifted somewhat by the caring support from the boys at work. The "Chubbies"....

John has always had a bad memory for names  and so through the 40 years of being there, with men coming and going, everyone at work is called "chubby." He loves to tease and so it doesn't matter if you are six foot tall and skinny as a rail, or a short husky guy, you are "chubby."

Those "chubbies" all came together on Sunday March 25th, and showed my Johnny just how much he's valued, as an employee, a fellow worker and a friend. We arrived at the Whistling Walrus for a breakfast with what we thought would be a bunch of the guys from work. I stood amazed as more and more of his co-workers arrived. Although it would have been impossible to count, I heard that the numbers were in the fifties! 

Guys are pretty practical, not all mushy like us girls, and so many practical needs were met through the generosity of these amazing guys. A financial need was met for us in a huge way! But if you will allow me to get mushy for a moment, because I AM a girl, so am entitled to this privilege, I was blessed to witness so much more that morning.

What I saw was a bunch of men in a room, with hearts opened so wide that it was like a  healing oil being poured over my husband. Many times, throughout that morning I would just stand and watch him from a distance , watch as each and every one of these amazing men would speak a kind word to John, place a strong hand on his shoulder or bring laughter to his worried soul. John's eyes lit up and his jaw set out to hold in those precious tears. 

As I glimpsed into my man's heart that morning I think I saw an overflow of joy spilling over into his body...a healing oil that only the "chubbies" could bring. 

Thank you all for blessing us so incredibly! :)

 Phillipians 1:3 & 4 

Every time we think of you, we give thanks to our God. Whenever we pray, we make our requests for all of you with joy.

Why Church?

Early on in this journey God spoke to me "Immerse yourself in Me or he will immerse himself in you." I pocketed that for a time, not thinking much of it. I thought that I did immerse myself in Him daily, so I put that thought up on a back shelf.  To be totally honest, I was being all snobby high and mighty, thinking perhaps this was an encouragement for John.  Hah! Was I wrong.

Our beautiful grandbaby, Connor was born on Tuesday Feb. 28th, with both mom and him healthy and happy. The next day John had a biopsy done on his tongue. Then on Thursday John had a biopsy done on his neck, that swelled immensely. It turns out that they nicked a blood vessel during the biopsy. As John says, "They told me it was a one in a thousand chance... Guess I was the one thousand patient." :) On Thursday during John's biopsy, our daughter, Kate called to inform us that our little grandbaby Connor had a hernia and they were going to operate on him. :( This is common, but it was just one more thing to add to a plate that was already tipping. By Friday John's swelling had gotten worse, he looked like he had the mumps. On Friday morning they did a cat scan on John's chest to make sure the cancer hadn't spread to his lungs. After the scan at Mac we went to Juravinski (the cancer hospital) to meet with the team of head and neck cancer specialists. They were going to put a treatment plan together for John. As we were waiting for the the doctors and filling out forms a doctor came in to speak with us. He informed us that the radiologist from Mac had called and we needed to go straight to ER stat! They had found blood clots on both of Johns lungs!

I remember distinctly a feeling of sliding down the chair in the waiting room and 4 words being spoken very clearly to me... God  has  abandoned  you.

As the day wore on, test after test being done, I remember making calls and texts to those around me asking for people to pray. My poor man was lying there, his neck growing, his fear climbing with each new doctor coming in with yet another bad report. They said "We're going to have to admit you... we can't give you blood thinners because your neck will bleed out...we may have to do an emergency trach if the swelling doesn't subside...  there may be more clots in your legs..." and on it went. Along with those words were also words of encouragement from my church body. Person after person was offering to come and sit with us. However I was of the mindset that it would be a waste of a person's time to come. I felt that there was nothing they could do. They would only be sitting there, possibly catching some yucky virus to take home to their families. 

Remember those words "Immerse yourself in Me or he will immerse himself in you? "Well he did! I, in my proud ways thought that it would be a waste of time to have others there. I only needed God didn't I? Wrong! There was a battle raging in my mind. I was brought down by the enemy who lied to me with the words, "God has abandoned you." This happened because I was alone, frightened and without the church body around to support John and I.  

Sadly, I've always viewed church as a small part of our walk with God, and have shared this with many. I've believed that it's our personal, daily walk with Him that gives us our strength. While this is true, I was missing another important element to my faith walk. The element that was missing, is the strength of the church body as a whole. 

John and I needed people to literally be there with us as we were in a battle. When there is a war being waged and a soldier goes down in enemy territory what do the other soldiers do? They come up alongside, get the wounded off the field and protect him. The same goes in the wars we battle everyday. Whether it is cancer, depression, grief or divorce. Whatever your battle is, a war is being waged, people are hurting and as the church, we need to come up alongside one another. There truly is strength in numbers. That's "Why Church."

Because we already a month into this journey I feel that there is so much to catch up on. Let's start at the beginning...


John has had a sore ear for about 3 to 4 months and kept putting off going off to the doctor because it wasn't doubling him over or anything. (stubborn man I have.) When he finally went he thought that the doctor was going to give him heck about his diabetes being out of control and that he had this raging ear infection. Instead what we heard was that it was not good and needed further investigation. One test led to another and the outcome was stage 4 throat cancer...
NOT the outcome we had expected to hear when we first walked through those office doors. 
As of February 24th, 2012 things that were normal for us were no longer...
Our lives have changed upon hearing those words. It's cancer.


I remember early on one morning before John's diagnosis trying to "be normal" puttering about throughout our kitchen, tidying up, doing dishes etc. I never realized how hard it is to be normal when life is not. My mind kept wandering, thinking, dwelling...my anger slowly climbing. The grief so great that I thought I would cripple under the weight of it.
I remember that morning so clearly, wrestling with these feelings, wrestling with God...
What I love about Him is that He is so incredibly personal. He knows me. He knows my anxious thoughts, my worries, my brokenness...and He loves me.


I stood at the island in my kitchen crying out to Him, yelling, angry with the feelings of grief, knowing full well that He was preparing me for the road ahead. A road that we didn't want to travel.


John and I have this ongoing dialogue over stuff around the yard. A lawn mower part here, a ladder hanging off the house, a pile of rabbit poop in my garden, my well manicured flowers in dire mess from the hens. His response to my grumblings has always been "Its just for now."  


Those are the very words that God spoke to my heart that morning, standing with clenched fists, tears running down my face. "What does Johnny always say to you Rhonda? It's just for now." God spoke the love language of my marriage straight to my heart. That's how personal our God is! With those words He brought comfort to my soul, peace to my trembling heart. 


 So this my friends is our journey...
And - It's just for now. 


Psalm 139 1:18