Because we already a month into this journey I feel that there is so much to catch up on. Let's start at the beginning...


John has had a sore ear for about 3 to 4 months and kept putting off going off to the doctor because it wasn't doubling him over or anything. (stubborn man I have.) When he finally went he thought that the doctor was going to give him heck about his diabetes being out of control and that he had this raging ear infection. Instead what we heard was that it was not good and needed further investigation. One test led to another and the outcome was stage 4 throat cancer...
NOT the outcome we had expected to hear when we first walked through those office doors. 
As of February 24th, 2012 things that were normal for us were no longer...
Our lives have changed upon hearing those words. It's cancer.


I remember early on one morning before John's diagnosis trying to "be normal" puttering about throughout our kitchen, tidying up, doing dishes etc. I never realized how hard it is to be normal when life is not. My mind kept wandering, thinking, dwelling...my anger slowly climbing. The grief so great that I thought I would cripple under the weight of it.
I remember that morning so clearly, wrestling with these feelings, wrestling with God...
What I love about Him is that He is so incredibly personal. He knows me. He knows my anxious thoughts, my worries, my brokenness...and He loves me.


I stood at the island in my kitchen crying out to Him, yelling, angry with the feelings of grief, knowing full well that He was preparing me for the road ahead. A road that we didn't want to travel.


John and I have this ongoing dialogue over stuff around the yard. A lawn mower part here, a ladder hanging off the house, a pile of rabbit poop in my garden, my well manicured flowers in dire mess from the hens. His response to my grumblings has always been "Its just for now."  


Those are the very words that God spoke to my heart that morning, standing with clenched fists, tears running down my face. "What does Johnny always say to you Rhonda? It's just for now." God spoke the love language of my marriage straight to my heart. That's how personal our God is! With those words He brought comfort to my soul, peace to my trembling heart. 


 So this my friends is our journey...
And - It's just for now. 


Psalm 139 1:18